I too have a heart
by Shiny Ryuichi Sakuma
Summary: For years, Ryou had been abused by his yami but one night, he has enough of the beatings. What will happen? Yaoi (i would give more of a summary but it would give away the story ^_^)
1. Escape

disclaimers: I do not own Yugioh and if I did, you can damn well bet that Yami Bakura would be mine. ^_^  
  
This is Yaoi and is boyxboy love.  
  
Please read and review minna!  
  
I TOO HAVE A HEART  
  
Fall...It always reminded Ryou of his yami. Dark, withering away at life, unreachable, unpreventable. The snow haired innocent leaned against the maple tree, devoid of almost all leaves. It was October now, the coming of winter not far. Murky brown eyes, the color of melted pools of chocolate closed as the sixteen year old sighed heavily. He rested his head against his knees, hugging them to his chest. He tried desperately to cover the several black bruises that blemished his otherwise, perfectly flawless, pale marble toned skin. A leaf floated lazily on the currents of air to settle onto Ryou's head. He good-naturedly picked the leaf from the strands of white, shredding tiny slivers in the orange petal.  
  
He fingered the Sennen Ring around his neck. It was its fault but he could not get rid of the item. No matter how much his yami abused him, Ryou cared for the tomb robber. Ryou wasn't sure why Bakura chose to vent his frustrations out on him, his usual line was 'your too weak.' Ryou, no matter how violent the beatings, could not change who he was. Being kind was as much a part of himself as being evil was of his yami. He knew his friends didn't suspect his reasons for sometimes not showing up for school and besides, what could he tell them? He could accidently put them danger. Grin it bear it as the saying went. Ryou wasn't sure how much more ill- treatment he could take. His father was rarely home, usually on archaeology digs. He was alone and that wasn't good, considering his yami's mood swings. His crazed daker half was unpredictable and that frightened Ryou the most. It seemed no matter how hard he tried, there would always be something to send Bakura to the edge of his sanity or what was left. Ryou knew that his yami had had a rough life in Egypt but Bakura never spoke of his past. Ryou looked on in Yugi and Yami's close-knit relationship with envy. He wished that he and his yami got along as well as they did. Ryou withdrew his hold on the ring before curling in a ball to sleep, completely oblivious to the floating leaves.  
  
Ryou woke several hours later, noting that it had turned darker. The sun was lowering behind the mountain peaks, the sky was splashed with a brilliant display of pink, orange, and gold. Ryou loved sunset, it was so serene. He closed his eyes, a breeze blowing past, ruffling the white hair. This time of night was a curse to him at times. It continously reminded him that he would never be free of the torment his yami put him through. Ryou dusted the ivory, cashmere sweater and the loose khaki pants. Wearing jeans at the moment hurt too much, the wounds he had recieved days before stung when rubbed against the coarse material. Swinging the door open, he was surprised to see his yami. From the look on Bakura's face, it wasn't going to be a pleasant encounter. It rarely was. The other could have passed as Ryou's twin except for three notable differences; one he was taller and more muscled, two his hair was somewhat spiked, three his brown eyes were lined dark, proclaiming the darkside of himself in the instant you stared into his eyes. A blue, button up johnny collared shirt with a white wife- beater underneath was carefreely untucked over skin-hugging jeans.  
  
"What did I tell you about talking to those bastards?" Bakura asked harshly, arms crossing in front of his chest, waiting for a reason to slug Ryou senseless. Ryou didn't answer, turning his head to the side to advoid the piercing gaze Bakura had fixed on him. This enraged the yami. "You will speak when I ask you a question, slave!"  
  
"Get it over with," Ryou whispered feeling the tears sting his eyes. He knew he had just provoked Bakura, giving him a reason to hit him. Bakura snarled, a flash of insane madness flickered in the murky orbs. He raised his fist, punching Ryou's jaw. The softer one collapsed to the ground, blood trickling from his mouth where he'd bitten his tongue. Bakura kicked him painfully in the ribs twice, knocking the air from his aibou's body.  
  
The yami growled low in his throat, watching as Ryou attempted to regain his breath. "You do as your fucking told, slave! Your such a damn weakling! Why don't you fight back?!! Why you do take it?!" Bakura didn't expect an answer so he slapped Ryou's cheek, a splintering crack as his cheek bone was fractured. It certainly wasn't the worse beating and would not be the last. Tears coursed down Ryou's cheeks, unable to contain them any longer. Bakura raised his arms in the air in a mock praise. "I was fucking cursed! How could I have winded up with a fucking wimp like you?! If I knew I wouldnt dissappear, I'd fucking kill you and get rid of my nuisance!" Bakura dissappeard into his soul room, unbeknowenst that he'd just given Ryou an idea.  
  
Ryou removed the ring, placing it on the counter before trudging upstairs to his room, holding his aching face. How would he explain the bruise it would leave to his friends? 'If I do kill myself...then at least noone else will have to every worry about having my yami as theirs.' Ryou sent out a telepathic web to find Bakura. 'Good, he's asleep. He won't wake.' Ryou carefully shut his door behind him. Crossing the room to a desk, he withdrew a butterfly knife from one of the drawers. 'I never thought I'd be this weak. I'm so sorry everyone...especially you Yami. All I wanted was to love you and be loved in return. I didn't want it to end like this.' He positioned the blade above his chest, over his heart. One plunge would end it all. 'I thought I could change you but..you've only gotten worse. At least now you won't have to put up with me anymore.' Ryou smiled at the irony. 'Here I am about to kill us both and I never once told you how I felt. Would it have mattered? Would you have returned it? Not likely. I love you Yami..' With those last heart-felt words, he pressed the knife into his chest and toppled to the ground.  
  
********  
  
TBC  
  
Read and review pretty please! ^_^  
  
I'm sorry if this was too angsty, I'm not known to write it. : ( But, it may or may not get better. Not giving the story away. Review for the next chapter. (am i evil or what?)  
  
Yami B: Your a baka  
  
Akemi: What?!  
  
Yami B: You heard me! Your going to make me soft!  
  
Akemi: Well what else do you want me to do? Should I let Ryou die?!  
  
Yami B: Whatever.  
  
Akemi: You'll die too  
  
Yami B: Damn....*glares before dissappearing*  
  
Akemi: Stupid muse.  
  
Yami B: I heard that... 


	2. My Lightis you

disclaimers: I do not own Yugioh and if I did, you can damn well bet that Yami Bakura would be mine. ^_^  
  
This is Yaoi and is boyxboy love.  
  
Please read and review minna!  
  
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING! ^_^  
  
I TOO HAVE A HEART  
  
(Yami Bakura's point of view)  
  
My eyes snap open. I can taste a hint of blood in the air. I rise sluggishly from my bed, sheet tangled around me as I swat them aside. What the hell's going on? I run a hand through my hair, stare around my soul room in dazed confusion. I pat my body in various spots, looking for a wound but I'm not injured. A sudden chill makes its way down my spine. I don't know what prompted me to go but I did. I appeared in a dazzling display of golden light right before him. The blood...it was everywhere. My aibou's clothes were stained dark crimson, a knife sticking from his chest. I was too shocked and too appaled to move. What had I done? Was it my fault? Did I push him into commiting suicide? I bend down, kneeling beside him. Even like this, he's beautiful. Why did I have to be so fucking weak?! I always accused my aibou of it when in reality, it was me. I was scared of my own feelings for him, those feelings that had grown over the time I met him.  
  
I cease breathing for several seconds, hearing a shudder escaped his lips. I hastily inspect his body. The knife hadn't pierced his heart! I gather him in my arms, at loss. What do I do? I hold him closer, craddling my aibou's head against my shoulder. It was my fault! I don't know if I can live with myself for doing this to him. I brought him to the edge... I reach for the phone, a contraption Ryou forced me to learn to use. I quickly press one on the speed dial. I calm my breathing to normal.  
  
"Moshi Moshi?" comes a tired voice on the other end.  
  
"....Yugi?" I ask uncertainly.  
  
"Yami Bakura? Is that you? Whats wrong?"  
  
"It..its Ryou. He's..he's stabbed himself Yugi and I dont know....what to do."  
  
"HE WHAT?!! Hold on, I'll call an ambulance and be right over."  
  
I hear the click from the other end. I hate admitting that I'm helpless at this moment. I brush aside a lock of snow white hair, admiring my aibou's features. Even as he lay here in my arms, blood pouring tepidly from the wound in his chest, he's so beautiful. Why did I have to keep pushing him and his sanity? How many bruises and scars does he have inflicted from me? A watery substance stings my eyes. What is it? I bring one hand from my aibou to touch my cheeks, twin trails of salty tears coursing. How long has it been since I cried? Was I a chibi in Egypt? Chibi..I was never a child. I was never given the chance to grow up.  
  
(Flashback)  
  
A man struck a young boy, no older than five. The boy cringed, curling into himself, white hair framing the tear-streaked face. Big brown eyes were wide with fright. The toe of the man's boot painfully dug into the small side, a rib cracking from under the force. The man grabbed the boy's hair, pulling him to his face. "Your a weak fool, Bakura!! Stop crying!!" He smacked the white haired innocent's jaw, sending him keeling into the mud, rain pouring steadily from the darkened heavens above. "Pathetic," the man sneered as Bakura wiped blood from his mouth, tears mingling with the rain.  
  
(End of Flashback)  
  
I touch my side, where the rib mended crooked. That was the night..the night when I was abandoned. My father decided I wasn't worth his time, that I was too weak and fragile to raise. That was the night I buried myself into the realm of shadow. I was taken in by a band of thieves and murderers and raised as a trained killer. I spent the greater part of my childhood robbing tombs. In a way, I'm grateful I was sealed inside the Sennen Ring. I was taken from that hell and brought to heaven.  
  
I nimbly allow the people to take my aibou from my arms, the limbs falling lifelessly aside. I'm vaguely aware of being taken outside and ushered into a car. I don't remember much of the ride until we reached the hospital. Yugi and his yami are beside me, gazing at me. I'm not sure but I think that Joey whispered that I was a cold hearted bastard. Any other time, the blonde would be dead but I barely have the strength to walk. I collapse into a plush chair in the waiting room, leaning my head against the wall behind me. My little light is in a room, alone. I'm conciously able to feel his pain and I cut the link, closing my side. Gods, Ryou, why the hell did you do that?! Why didn't you ever fight me back?! Why did you take it?! Why did I...why did I do it? Was it because you reminded me too much of myself? Aren't we the same, two halves of one soul and yet we're so different. Your all the postive aspects of life and I'm all the horrible things. I was wrong Ryou. I don't deserve to have you.  
  
(Flashback)  
  
"I'm Ryou," a heavily British accented fourteen year-old greeted another boy, an almost exact replica of himself. He couldn't believe his eyes, this boy had appeared from out of nowhere! Seemingly...from his Sennen Ring. Ryou tilted his head to the side as he examined the boy in front of him only to be met with a fist. He fell hard on his back, eyes tearing.  
  
"Don't ever look me in the eye, slave! I'm your master and you will call me such! Do I make myself clear??!" the yami barked, punching the fair haired boy again. "Never talk to me unless your spoken to!" The boy nodded slowly, too petrified to wipe the blood trickling from his busted lip. "Good," the yami smirked.  
  
(End Flashback)  
  
He was only being friendly, a trait that no matter how violent I am to him, he doesn't lose. He loves everyone and as weak as he is.....that time I was sealed inside the Shadow Realm. You decided to risk your own life to save people who weren't even close to you. If it wasn't for the pharoah...you would have been in my place. I hated you for that. I hated you for defying me. That was why when I came back...my beatings increased. I began to feel something for you, though I wasn't excatly sure what. Do I now? No. These emotions swimming in my stomach. I know I feel fear right now and anxiouness but there's something deeper.  
  
I'm being led down a hallway. The others, besides Yugi, are left staring after us in curious surprise. Only Pharaoh isn't. We come to a door and I sense Ryou inside. Yugi steps in reverse and motions for me to go inside. I nod listlessly, the boy shutting the door carefully. There he is. He's bandaged and...all of those bruises! I inflicted those! I hurt him! I caused him to stab himself! I cross the room and sit on the side of the bed, gazing at my aibou. He's so pale and yet so angelic. I lean forward, lips brushing against his. I'm rewarded with a soft purr from the little one and I'm glad that he's alive. I think I heard the person who patched him say that it wasn't too deep and had missed the main arteries. I bring my lips to the tip of his nose, another murmur of a purr escaping Ryou's lips. I smile, pleased that...I'm not bringing him pain for once in the time I've known him. I travel to his forehead and then journey once again to his lips. So soft...like rose petals. I never imagined he could feel so good. Arms wrap around my neck, drawing me closer, lips pressing nervously against mine. My eyes flare open and I see a groggy Ryou regarding me with warm eyes.  
  
I immediately let go of my aibou, fingers against my lips. He..he's awake. AWAKE! In a rush of emotions I allow a few traitorous tears to pass. There's no hate in the chocolate eyes, no anger, no resentment or contempt. Ryou's hand moves and grabs hold of mine. His fingers entertwine with mine and I follow his show of affection. I never figured I'd be doing this with my aibou. As much as I tried to hate him in the past, as much as I vented my emotional frustrations onto him in the guise of anger....as much as I was scared. All of that is thrown to the wayside. My aibou is alive and breathing. He squeezes my hand, drawing me closer.  
  
He pauses for a few seconds and then, in a shaky whisper he says. "Yami..I'm so sorry for being weak. You should have gotten rid of me and found a new-"  
  
I cut him off with a tender kiss. "I dont want any other." I'm not used to consoling another and this is going to make me seem weak but I care too much for my aibou. I'm not hiding anymore. I'm not going to deny it. "Ryou..." he stares at me bug-eyed, pure shock written upon his features. "I'm the one who's sorry. I was stupid to have hurt you like I did. I never should have beat you. I never should have drove you to...to what you almost did!" I yell the last. My light flinches and I lower my voice to a gentle whisper. "What were you thinking?" He advoids meeting my eyes. I sigh and stroke his cheek. "Ryou, didn't you even consider your father or you friends?"  
  
"What about you...Yami?" he asks.  
  
I chuckle, the sound odd. "I would have been very sad. I would have missed you."  
  
"R..really?"  
  
"Really. Ryou..." Our faces are merely a breath away. There's so much I want to tell him. I want to tell him that..that I love him and I need him. That if I lost him...I'd lose myself. I..I can't tell him. I just can't. I do want to. I want him to know that he means much to me.  
  
"I know..Yami. You dont have to say it." There's a twinge of remorse in his voice. "I love you too Yami." I feel my heart tighten from under the sheer magnitude of those five words. He loves me! Even after all of the pain, he cares for me the same way I care for him. There is one thing I can do to make sure that my aibou..my koi...knows. We kiss and the seal is made.  
  
*********  
  
Thanks again for reviewing.  
  
Would you all like me to continue or should I stop it here? 


	3. Bad news :

disclaimers: I do not own Yugioh and if I did, you can damn well bet that Yami Bakura would be mine. ^_^  
  
This is Yaoi and is boyxboy love.  
  
Please read and review minna!  
  
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING! ^_^  
  
I TOO HAVE A HEART  
  
I love you. That what he said to me and he knows how I feel now too. Has it changed the way things are between us? I...I think so. I'm not entirely sure, having never felt these emotions before. All my life, I was taught to hate. Now that I DO feel love, its confusing. I want to be able to tell Ryou that I do love him but I just can't. That makes what happened next all the more evil and damning. No...I must prove strong for Ryou because...I'm all he has. He relies on my strength and maybe we can make it through this whole, terrible ordeal. I think the gods are mocking me. The minute I find love, its ripped from me. He may not die...I'm not sure. I'd like to believe he'll live but those stupid doctors claim he has three weeks to three months left. Gods Ryou... This shit has to happen to us, doesnt it?! Fate has dealt us a bad hand. I'll do everything in my power to make you well again. I'll go to all lenghts to make sure you live.  
  
I'm crying again. I shouldn't be crying. Ryou has enough to worry about, excluding a broken hearted yami. He's slipping away from me. I feel it everyday. When I hold him at night.... I don't know what to do! I'm powerless. All I can do is stand by my love, offer him all of my support. Pharoah and his friends are constantly giving me their condolences, giving Ryou happiness in the weeks he has alive. When the doctors told us, that very night we exchanged our love, I was angry. I wanted to kill but then...gods...when Ryou was told.....  
  
(flashback: week earlier)  
  
Bakura gently closed the door behind him as he re-entered the waiting room. Yami had called him from their Sennen items. His brown eyes narrowed in suspicion at the group huddled together. He could immediately sense sorrow. The doctor glanced from his clipboard and hastily gave the group space, but not before giving Bakura a wary glance. "What the fuck is going on?!" Bakura demanded, hissing like a snake.  
  
There was silence for more than a few minutes. All the while, a red aura surrounded Bakura. Finally, Yami stepped forward. "Yami Bakura.....there's something you need to know." Bakura crossed his arms, waiting. "Ryou has.....cancer."  
  
"Cancer?" he asked, the words foreign.  
  
"He has liver cancer. Its very rare and they didnt catch it in time so its spreading to the rest of his body. That means.....he's going to die soon Bakura." A strangled yell escaped Bakura's mouth. Bakura lept forward, hands on Yami's throat.  
  
"WHAT?!!!!"  
  
Yami wheezed, unable to escape the death grip on his neck. Joey and Honda pulled the seething akustenshin from Yami who braced himself against the wall, wheezing. Bakura shook his head, unable to believe the words. Yugi became braver. "There is a chance they can save him Bakura!" The words were useless. Bakura wasn't listening. He was huddled in the corner of the room, attracting attention from orderlies, doctors, and patients families. He was shivering. A nurse went to help the yami but he snarled rabidly. Yami could tell his fellow akustenshi was doing his best to control his anger. 'If that was Yugi on that bed in there with cancer....I'd act the same.'  
  
Several hours later, Bakura calmed down. He didnt' bother acknowledging the others who were about to tell Ryou his condition. Bakura knew he had to be in control of his erratic emotions before visiting his little angel. He was the first to enter, sitting beside Ryou on the bed. He picked the spoon up from the tray, digging it into the mashed potatoes and put it in front of Ryou's mouth. The softer white haired took the food, smiling at his yami. Then, Ryou looked in the doorway at his friends.  
  
"I know."  
  
Those words, spoken so softly and gently, had the effect of breaking Bakura completely down. Tears streamed from the chocolate depths, onto his cheeks, to splash against Ryou's skin. Ryou brought his yami into a comforting hold but Bakura refused him, scooting further from the boy's arms. He shook his head. "No...no," he whispered, running from the room. Bakura wasn't sure how far he went, but he ended up at the place where he and Ryou had first met. He sighed, collasping to the ground and sobbing hysterically. "It can't be....Why? Why now?" Noone answered the heart-broken yami.....  
  
*****  
  
Short....:( Anyways! Thanks for reviewing everyone!! I really appreciate it! ^_^  
  
I'm being really mean to Ryou..huh? I'm sorry. 


	4. Ryou's tramutized memory

disclaimers: I do not own Yugioh and if I did, you can damn well bet that Yami Bakura would be mine. ^_^  
  
This is Yaoi and is boyxboy love.  
  
Please read and review minna!  
  
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING! ^_^  
  
I TOO HAVE A HEART  
  
Hours later, Bakura returned to the hospital, calm and composed. There was no trace of the tears he shed so unmercifulless from earlier. It was past midnight, the others having returned to their homes. The yami was given several nods from the orderlies as he passed the front desk to Ryou's room. Bakura stared at the prone figure, wrapped comfortably in the cotton sheets. The light from the bedside lamp haloed his hair, giving him an angelic apperance. Bakura stood, against the wall, watching his tenshi sleep. The bitter news from earlier seemed completely irrevelant. Bakura carressed the silken, dove colored strands, eliciting a content sigh from Ryou. Tears stung at the once frigid yami's eyes. He furiously rubbed at them, forcing the tears to not come.  
  
"Yami....." came a whispered plea from Ryou. The aibou's eyes were half- lidded as he was roused from his sleep. A weak smile flitted across his face. "I'm sorry....."  
  
"Ssh," Bakura put a finger to Ryou's lips. "You don't have to be sorry for anything."  
  
Ryou kissed the appendage tenderly. "Stay with me....." Ryou's eyes started to close shut again. Bakura nodded, sliding underneath the sheets with his aibou. His arms snaked around Ryou's waist, holding him close as if he let go, it would be the last time. Gradually, Ryou's breathing shallowed and it was all Bakura could do but hold the tears inside until he was alone. He didn't want his aibou seeing how much he was hurting. Resting his head against Ryou's shoulder, the forlorn akutenshi also drifted into a sleep haunted by past memories.  
  
(flashback)  
  
A white haired boy of four, innocence not yet deprived, stared around wide- eyed at his surroundings. Several of the people he had grown up around in the tavern regarded him with cool pity, they ignored him as much as possible. One of the elder women, the one the boy had grown up around for the most part of his life, approached him. "Bakura...."  
  
"What is it Chisato-san?" Bakura asked, brown eyes blinking curiously.  
  
"Your mother is dead. She died of some disease that the locals caught. You will be given to your father when he arrives in a few hours."  
  
Bakura's face paled visibly and tears welled. The little boy ran from the tavern.....  
  
(end of flashback)  
  
Bakura unconciously held his small koibito tighter.  
  
* * *  
  
(present)  
  
I had lost my mother due to complications that couldn't be prevented and now I'm losing my love. It was always Ryou, you know? I mean, even in the beginning, I knew that it was him I was supposed to be with but I was so used to feeling hate that I mis-interpreted those emotions. I was angry at myself for not understanding and angry at Ryou for just being..himself. I hated his kindness, his purity. I used to be like that until that bastard father of mine destroyed my innocence. I was eight when he raped... I wonder, is that why I was so protective of my aibou? Why I never allowed him to stay with the pharaoh and his friends? Was I scared that they might turn on him?  
  
Oh Ryou. Why us? I watch my aibou as he prepares himself dinner. He refuses to allow me or anyone else to wait on him. His father hasn't had the chance to come home yet, but he does phone here everyday to check on Ryou. I wish my father had been like that. Perhaps if my mother hadn't died, I would never have went to a life a crime but..then again, I would never have met my Ryou. I used to not believe in fate and now I curse it yet am glad for my life.  
  
Despite the cancer, Ryou's hasn't lost any of his physical strength...not yet at any rate. Yami Yugi has asked me to reserach the cancer but I don't want to. It hurts enough as it is. All I can do is make sure my aibou knows that I love him. Ryou smiles at him yet I can tell that the smile is weaker. "Come on Yami," he says, indicating a chair with his hand. I sit beside him, interlacing one of my hands with his. He knows I don't eat. I ladle the spoon with the macaroni and cheese, feeding my hikari. He blushes a kuwaii shade of pink. "Yami....I'm not a baby."  
  
"Yes you are." I fill the spoon again. Ryou rolls his eyes. It's hard to believe he.. No. I'm not going to get deppressed even more. Ryou told me he knew... I haven't asked how he knew. I don't want to know. It would probably make me mad at him. That he could keep something so important away from me. Ryou still participates in school and I enrolled to keep a close eye on him. The students as well as the teachers do treat Ryou differently, as if he was porcelain doll that would break should they touch him. Even his close friends have the same philosophy. I've told them time and time again that he isn't fragile but they refuse to believe me. I've learned that Ryou has secrets that he keeps from us all, even me. So he must be stronger than we realize to have to bear those memories.  
  
(flashback: three days earlier)  
  
Ryou's eyes were closed, the wind ruffling his white hair. He sighed, leaning closer to the trunk of the maple tree. A warm body slid behind him, arms wrapping around his waist. A bright, cheerful smile spread across his face as he turned his head to see Bakura. "Yami." Ryou snuggled deep into his yami's arms. Ryou gave a shudder as Bakura nipped delicately at his neck. "Yami...no." Tears flecked the brown eyes as he pushed the akutenshi from himself. Bakura's brows furrowed as he watched the retreating figure. All he wanted was to express his love for his aibou, just a kiss. Did Ryou expect something more?  
  
(end of flashback)  
  
What exactly has he hidden from me? What does he keep hidden? I pause in my feeding of my aibou. He seems to know what I want to discuss. If this was earlier, I would have just beaten the truth from him. I touch his cheek and as I expect, he flinches. "Aibou, wakarimasen. You always do this."  
  
"Gomen n..nasai but....I can't." Tears... He swallows hard and I can see the pain. "Gomen Yami. I want to be with you that way.... I'm scared Yami," he whispers, eyes downcast. I tilt my head to the side. "You won't to know why...don't you?" I nod. "Its' because...."  
  
**************  
  
Kill me now. Get it over with. Sigh, I'm sorry for the evil cliffie but I'm sure you can guess what happened to Ryou.  
  
THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING!!! ^_^  
  
Thanks glassneko! Lol, I've always thought Chibi was kid.  
  
Thanks Shadowspirit for being such a huge supporter of my fics. Makes me so happy! (I think I thanked you in another fic..not sure....) 


	5. Dont you see!

disclaimers: I do not own Yugioh and if I did, you can damn well bet that Yami Bakura would be mine. ^_^  
  
This is Yaoi and is boyxboy love.  
  
Please read and review minna!  
  
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING! ^_^  
  
I TOO HAVE A HEART  
  
Ryou swallows hard, I'm completely entranced. "I..I was raped...." he chokes out in a hushed sob. I drop the spoon, metal clattering against wood causing me to wince. Ryou's huddled within himself, tears streaking his face. A wave of compassion overtakes me and I wrap my arms around my aibou. He tenses for a few seconds before giving into my embrace. I rock him gently, kissing his hair. I know all too well what its like to be raped, to have your innocence stripped from your body..  
  
(flashback)  
  
"Slut!" yelled a man, whip in hand. He advanced on a small boy who was trying his best not to let out the whimpers or not to cry in pain from the slashes of the weapon. The boy's terrifed eyes grew rounder. "There you are, my pet. Am I going to have to teach you a lesson?" The man utied the sash around his waist, grinning wickedly at the boy. Brown eyes went wider in confusion. "I'm going to enjoy this," he breathed huskily at the white haired child. The boy instinctively clutched at his clothes but it was a futile gesture. The man hauled the boy to his feet, quickly undressing him. The boy no longer knew the meaning of innocence again..  
  
(end flashback)  
  
I grit my teeth. That day still haunts my dreams, no my nightmares. I can't believe sick bastards like my father have survived to this day. Ryou seems on the verge of nervous breakdown. I squeeze him more tightly, allowing him to know that I'm here and that I'll listen. I always thought I had a bad life. Not anymore. Ryou's tops that. At least....at least I'm not going to die anytime soon. Tears bite at my eyes, a few of the traitorous drops splash against Ryou's hair. One of the days I'm glad he has thick hair. What am I going to do without him? Will I be sealed into the ring the second he leaves this plane of existence? I think I should die with him. It would spare me the pain of having to live without him.  
  
"How can you stand to touch me?" he asks suddenly, breaking the oppressive silence that harborded the room unbiddeningly. Ryou breaks free of my grasp and refuses to meet my eyes. I sigh as I put my hands on his shoulders. As expected, he shys from my touch.  
  
"What do you mean? Why wouldn't I want to touch you?"  
  
"I'm dirty."  
  
I laugh. Ryou's head snaps up and he stares at me quizzically. A smile graces my lips and he's even more puzzled. "I should be the one asking you that." I cease laughing and shake my head at the sheer absurdity of the situation.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Ryou, koi, I was raped once too. I was eight when it happened. It was by my father. See Ryou, we both feel dirty so, why don't we just cleanse each other of the filth. It weighs it evenly." I smile again and capture his lips in a soft kiss. "Ryou, don't ever think that way about yourself again, do you hear me?" He nods. "Here I thought I didn't deserve you and you think you don't deserve me."  
  
He chuckles, hands coming to support himself against my chest. "We balance each other, don't we? We were meant to be..." I will the lump in my throat away. I have to keep strong for Ryou. I answer by kissing a strand of snow hair wound around my fingers. "But its all going to end soon." So much for my training. Tears flow, tears I've built up since I first learned of the news. Ryou's staring at me, shocked to see that a harsh bastard like myself could actually emit tears of pain. His fingers come to my eyes and wipe the drops aside. I can't allow him to feel pity for me. I withdraw from the embrace and begin to leave the kitchen. His voice rings clear and calm through the room. "I'm not scared so you shouldn't be either."  
  
I pause but keep my back turned so I don't have to stare into those eyes. "Who says I'm scared? Maybe I'm just worried that I'll return to the Ring." That was a load of bullshit but I'm not frightened either. I'm in pain. Can't he see that? How can he be so calm when he's maybe days from dieing and leaving me forever? Several tremors rack my body and I can't hold myself up. I collapse to the floor and I sob. I sob like the child I never had a chance to be.  
  
Ryou sighs. "Yami....I'm sorry. I haven't been thinking about what this has done to you. I always figured it didn't bother you. I mean, you never once showed this kind of pain about it. Not even when you first learned of it. I thought you didn't care."  
  
"DIDN'T CARE?!!!!" I snap, snarling at him viciously. The corner of Ryou's lips twitch and he kneels beside me, unaffected by my current mood. "How can you say that Ryou?!" I demand but all he does is sit there with that half-smile. I feel the urge to punch him but I refrain. "Ryou.. do you think I'm that cold-hearted?" He doesn't answer. "Ryou," I grab his hand. "I..." I've never said these words before, never wanted to but I will say them for him. "I love you Ryou."  
  
Ryou's eyes grow twice their normal size and his jaw drops but no words spill. Instead, Ryou knocks me to the floor and attacks me with frantic kisses. "I love you too Yami, so much!" His kisses become even more needy as he begins to undress me. I put a hand on his to halt his administrations.  
  
"Are you sure about this?"  
  
"Of course I am! I might not be strong enough later on to do this so please Yami, don't stop this. Please." His eyes are begging me and I release him. To have my aibou in the most intimate of ways. Its two souls and bodies becoming one.  
  
* * *  
  
AN: Use your imagination for what they did. ^_~ I can't post a lemon...sigh  
  
SONG FOR THIS CHAPTER:  
  
Don't you SEE!!!  
  
In spite that it would be nice if words flow out to me  
  
Like when one writes a letter to a friend  
  
I want some time to know each other a little more  
  
That the only one who won't betray you is your family  
  
Is too lonely a thing Love is asking to be loved  
  
I know I'll be happy if I stop believing but  
  
Don't you see! Even if I ask and pray for miracles and memories  
  
I worry a little  
  
Don't you see! Even if I have a habit of pretending to be cold  
  
I'm afraid to be hurt  
  
Though it's only been five minutes  
  
Of silence since I waited in the taxi stand  
  
I feel like it's been an eternity  
  
Wasting my time and making me weary  
  
An event that doesn't help a love that lost its color  
  
Don't you see! We're not to be beaten  
  
By such petty quarrels  
  
Don't you see! Rather than ogle at girls  
  
I want to look just at you  
  
Don't you see!  
  
I'll never worry, tonight  
  
I'll lay me down, tonight  
  
You know, I do it for you  
  
Don't you see!  
  
I'll never worry, tonight  
  
I'll lay me down, tonight  
  
You know, I do it for you  
  
AN: this song came from Dragonball GT. I just thought it fit. ^_~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Don't you see! If we walk together on the streets Filled with scents of the town we were born Don't you see! No matter how much the people in this world hurry You can still catch me 


	6. Hope

disclaimers: I do not own Yugioh and if I did, you can damn well bet that Yami Bakura would be mine. ^_^  
  
This is Yaoi and is boyxboy love.  
  
Please read and review minna!  
  
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING! ^_^  
  
I TOO HAVE A HEART  
  
I open my eyes to the dazzling sunlight streaming through Ryou's bedroom window. Ryou's curled against my chest, fingers kneading my bare chest. I only hope that our love making last night didn't make him weaker than he already is. I'm sure it took alot of energy out of him; energy he needs but I think that by submitting himself to me, he believes he's giving me something to remember him by. Its hard...to wake up every morning and think, this could be the day Ryou dies. He doesn't have much longer. I was thinking I should do something for him, get him out of the house. There's a carnival going on near the school. I know I would never do even consider that but Ryou deserves the very best. Who knows how much longer he'll be alive?  
  
Ryou's eyes shudder open. He smiles up at me, cuddling closer. "Yami....thank you."  
  
"Hn. You need to take a bath aibou." I run my hands across his back, drawing him on top of my chest, attacking his sides. He giggles, tears streaming down his cheeks. He's so beautiful when he's like this, so happy and carefree as if he's forgotten he's got cancer. "Go take a bath now Ryou. We're going on a date later."  
  
He stops laughing, huge brown eyes peering up at me astonished. "You..you mean that Yami? Are we really?! Where?! When?!"  
  
"Hype down, aibou. Yes, we're really going. I thought..well..the carnival and we'll leave as soon as you get out of the bath."  
  
"Don't you need to take one too Yami? Couldn't you join me?" Ryou flutters his eyelashes coyly, an adorable pout accompanying the look. I sigh, giving indication that I agree. Ryou grabs my hand to pull me to the bathroom when he winces. I forgot that it would hurt.  
  
"Ryou...I'm sorry. I should've been uke."  
  
"Its okay Yami. I wanted it that way." Ryou smiles. I slip my arm around his waist. "It doesnt hurt much. Just a little bit. You were extra gentle with me so I wouldnt be. Right?" He wrinkles his nose, kissing my cheek.  
  
"Hai." Once the water is hot, I pour a bottle of the Mr.Bubble solution that Ryou loves so much inside. The tubs huge and could probably fit four people. I smile. Ryou likes being pampered, something I learned a little to late. My smile turns grim. Why does it take a great tradegy to bring people together? Why did it take my losing Ryou for me to admit my love for him? What will happen to me once he does die? I shake that overwhelming shadow from my mind and focus on one objective: Ryou. "Get in. Dont think I'm going to carry you."  
  
Ryou chuckles, hopping in the water, splashing it on me. I scowl half- heartedly before joining him. The view from Ryou's bathroom is breathtaking; the gardens below are a welcoming sight. I glance at my little aibou, his eyes are closed. "Ryou? Are you awake?"  
  
"I'm awake Yami." I open my arms, beckoning him to come to me. He obliges and wraps his arms around my waist. "You've been so good to me Yami. I only wish..that I could be with you longer."  
  
"Ryou...."  
  
"..I'm sorry for not telling you about it. It was wrong of me. If I knew that..that you cared so much then I would have. I'm so-"  
  
"No. You dont have to be sorry for anything because you didnt do it. I was the bastard who thought beating you would actually help. Damnit Ryou, this is not your fault. I never made any moves that I ~did~ care about you so you had every right to keep it to yourself."  
  
"...Yami.......did you mean it when you told me you loved me?"  
  
"Yes I did. I love you Ryou."  
  
* * *  
  
Ryou hangs onto my arm, walking slowly in the direction of the school. I tried to get him to eat breakfast before we left but he says that he'll get something at the carnival. We haven't spoke since this morning. Its like..we feel all we need when we're just close to each other. Ryou leans his head against my shoulder. /Yami....we'll see the others there./  
  
/I know Aibou. I dont mind. Will it make you happy to see them?/  
  
/It will. I havent seen them for awhile./  
  
/Then, we'll make sure to find them, ne?/  
  
/Right!/  
  
Its amazing that the littlest things can keep him content. I'm not sure I want to face Yugi and his bothersome friends. I have a feeling their going to treat Ryou as if he's a piece of ceramic; handle with care. He's not that weak, yet at any rate. I dont want Ryou to feel helpless. If they so much as look at Ryou with pity, I swear I'll kill them.  
  
We enter the brightly decorated carnival, the ferris wheel looming in the distance. Rides are spread out, game shops are set up on every corner, food places. I glance at Ryou. His eyes are shining. "What do you want to do first, little one?"  
  
Ryou's stomach growled, answering for him. He blushed sheepishly. "I guess I'm hungry."  
  
"Should you be eating before going on the rides?"  
  
"...I'll be fine. Dont worry about me Yami." Ryou leads us to a noodle shop.  
  
The man behind the counter seems to recognize Ryou, the look in his eyes are full of pity. I restrain the growl that is threatning to explode. The man looks at me, my anger must be somewhat clear for he clears his throat and adverts his attention from Ryou. Luckily, Ryou doesn't notice. "Your the fiftieth customer today, your noodles are free."  
  
"Ooh! Cool! We get free food Yami!" Ryou smiles vivaciously, accepting the boxes of noodles, handing me one. I give the man a glare before joining Ryou. We eat our noodles and peer around for Ryou's friends. "Hey! Look! Its Yugi!" Just as Ryou goes to meet with his friend, he holds his stomach. He intakes a breath of air sharply, trying to mask the pain.  
  
"Ryou?" I ask, holding him in my arms. Shit, I should've known he couldn't handle this much strenous of activity. "Love? Are you alright?"  
  
"I'm fine!" he snaps angrily. "I dont need your pity as well Yami. Dont you think I get it enough?" Ryou gnaws his lip, tears spilling. "I'm sorry..."  
  
"Ssh, its okay Ryou. I understand."  
  
"....I dont want to die Yami," he whispers.  
  
"....I know love, I know. Do you want to go home?" I sigh, rubbing small circles on his lower back to try and help him contain the hiccups that had been produced from his crying. Damnit..I dont want him to die either but theres not a damn thing I can do but just wait. Wait for the day when my little light's life is extinguished.  
  
"No..I'll be okay now. Sorry I snapped like that."  
  
"S'okay."  
  
Yugi spots us and hurries over withYami and Joey. "Hi Ryou! Hi Bakura!" He smiles warmly, latching onto Yami's hand. "I'm glad you guys are here! We knew how much Ryou loves carnivals so we were going to go and get him later on! Now, looks like we dont have too!"  
  
Yami rolls his eyes. "Yugi, settle down. See, this is why young humans these days are so hyper. Its a substance called sugar." Yami holds up a bag of cotton candy. I nod. Ryou's been like that before..well before he learned of his cancer. "Imagine if this had been in Egypt."  
  
Ryou peers up at me. "Yami...can I have some?"  
  
"Sure Ryou, anything for you."  
  
"Hey I know! Why dont me, Ryou and and Joey go off and get some!?"  
  
"Good idea Aibou." Yami watches them leave and ..I think he has something to say to me. I was right. "Bakura. Can you feel it too?"  
  
"Feel what?"  
  
"His life force dropping."  
  
"...Yes. I can. I would appreciate if you didnt talk about it."  
  
"Its hard..to let go?"  
  
"Very. You dont know how much."  
  
"You truly love him?"  
  
"......Yes." And I meant it. Yami nods as if he suspected it all along. The pharoah seems to have that gift. We remain silent and..I'm grateful he doesnt ask anymore questions however..I must know. "Pharaoh..is there a way to save him?"  
  
Yami sighs. "There may be."  
  
* * *  
  
@_@ Ryou might live?!  
  
Thanks for reviewing and sorry it took so long to update....  
  
Katya (I'm evil. Ryou having cancer is sad business! grrrrR) Crystalline (lmao...i didnt update that quickly...) AsianAngel (its up,but not soon!) rainbowscale (yeah, cliffies are evilllllll! ^__^ thanks for reading my other stories!) Cayenne (well, heres more)  
  
*_~ 


	7. Always Will

disclaimers: I do not own Yugioh and if I did, you can damn well bet that Yami Bakura would be mine. ^_^  
  
This is Yaoi and is boyxboy love.  
  
summary: Ryou's dieing, can he be saved?  
  
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING! ^_^  
  
I TOO HAVE A HEART  
  
Yami rubs his temples as if trying to find the correct words to voice his plan to save Ryou. I wait, unconciously checking for my hikari. He's with Yugi and Joey, giving me a little wave that I return. I don't mind the disapproving stares from the homophobic crowd and if they say anything, I'll just send them to the Shadow Realm. Finally Yami raises his crimson orbs to look me straight in the eyes. "Ryou can be saved, Bakura. However, the process...will require something more."  
  
"What the fuck are you trying to say? Don't speak in riddles!"  
  
"Your life force."  
  
I blink, mouth hanging open like some damn yokel. My life force? "Explain," I say irately.  
  
"As spirits of the Sennen Items, we yami's have the ability to give our live's to our aibou's should something happen to them. By doing this, we become trapped once again in the Sennen Items our hikari's possess. If you should do this, the Sennen Ring will be taken to another place, waiting for some other person to find it. Ryou will not be able to become the owner again and you will be seperated from Ryou forever. In doing this, Ryou will be healed."  
  
I clench my jaw muscles, refusing to meet the pity on Yami's features. To never see Ryou again? Tears prick the corner of my eyes. I had only realized my love for him not long ago and to be torn from him? I sigh. It would happen one way or another, either he dies from cancer or I do what Yami is suggesting. Even if I am sealed in the Sennen Ring again, Ryou will be alive and he'll move on. My pain isn't important anymore. I meet Yami's questioning gaze. "I'll do it."  
  
Yami nods. "He must truly mean the world to you for you to so selfishly give your life to save him. Bakura...I will try to my hardest to make sure the Ring goes into the hands of someone kind."  
  
"Whatever Yami. I really dont give a fuck. I want my hikari to live and that is all that matters to me. Besides, even if the person who recieves the Ring is a complete and total bastard, I will be able to prevail knowing that Ryou is happy."  
  
"I understand. I am going to contact Shadi this night and tell him that you have agreed. Come tomorrow, the ritual will take place."  
  
"What of Ryou?"  
  
"....It is up to you, Bakura. I cannot tell him what you intend to do nor can I portray your feelings for him. Good luck and I hope that everything goes right. Yugi!" Yami shouts to his smaller half, motioning for him and Joey.  
  
I wait for the Yami-tachi to dissappear among the throngs of people. Ryou tilts his head to the side. "What is it Yami?" Of course he could see that there was a matter bothering me. This time is as good as any.  
  
"Its nothing. Lets go for a walk Aibou."  
  
"Um, okay."  
  
How am I going to break this to him? I can barely contain ~my~ tears. At least he will live. We step inside Kyome park, devoid of humans. I bring Ryou's hand into mine and gently sit him beside me. "Ryou, I'm going to be leaving for a long, long time."  
  
"What?"  
  
"The pharoah has found a way for you to be saved. I'm going to give my life so you'll be able to live. Tomorrow night, Shaddi's going to heal you, using the life force inside of my body."  
  
"NO!!!!" Ryou shouts, crying angrily. The sobs are hysteric and I try to comfort him but he shoves me aside. "How could you?!! Damn you Yami!" the yell pierces through the tranquil park. I wrap my arms around him, holding him still. He gives up and buries his head in my chest, weeping. "You can't do that...."  
  
"I have to Ryou. Don't you understand? I love you and I want to save you."  
  
"By leaving me to die with a broken heart? Is that your idea of 'saving' me?"  
  
"Aibou, you'll be getting a full life and you'll move on. Someone will come along and sweep you off your feet, treat you the way you deserve, and love you forever."  
  
"I dont want anyone else."  
  
"Your going to have to accept it," I harden my voice. "I have made the deal already. There is not turning back."  
  
"You didn't think to ask me?" Ryou raised those pain-filled eyes and my heart clenched. "You didnt think how I'd feel? I can't believe you. I love you more than anything, more than I thought possible. Please, don't leave me alone."  
  
I reach down and wipe aside the saline drops. "I'll be in your heart, ne?"  
  
"Its not the same! I'll want your touch, your kiss, your voice, even your beatings! Anything besides being without you."  
  
"God-damnit Ryou. You don't think I considered this? Ryou, your young. You will find another."  
  
"Haven't you been listening?! I only need you in my life. I dont care if I die soon because I'll be with you the day I do pass over."  
  
I hold him closer, not wanting to continue this conversation. I can even feel his pain through our link and it heavily outweighs my own. I carress his cheek, kiss his head tenderly. I dont want to say goodbye but it has to be done. Despite Ryou's denial of falling in love again, I know he will. Besides, love doesn't last long. Does it?  
  
* * *  
  
^_^ ANGST! *giggles*  
  
next chappie: The answer to Bakura's question.  
  
ACE OF BASE  
  
"Always Have, Always Will"  
  
Always have, always will  
  
I was mesmerised when I first met you  
  
Wouldn't let myself believe  
  
The you could step right out of my wildest dreams  
  
But you didn't know  
  
That secret part of me  
  
Until we kissed and made it open up so easily  
  
  
  
I always have  
  
Even when it didn't show  
  
I always will  
  
You know that I just wanna touch you  
  
Whenever you're close to me  
  
I always have  
  
Doesn't matter where we go  
  
I always will  
  
You know that I just wanna show you  
  
Just how much you mean to me  
  
Always have, always will  
  
  
  
Everything that you give in to  
  
Everything you'll ever need  
  
Is locked up somewhere deep inside of me  
  
And you gotta know  
  
But more importantly  
  
You've got to stay and hold me while we live this fantasy  
  
  
  
I always have  
  
Even when it didn't show  
  
I always will  
  
You know that I just wanna touch you  
  
Whenever you're close to me  
  
I always have  
  
Doesn't matter where we go  
  
I always will  
  
You know that I just wanna show you  
  
Just how much you mean to me  
  
  
  
Sometimes we try too hard to please  
  
We should have let love come naturally  
  
And sometimes I don't know  
  
Just what you really do to me  
  
That is okay  
  
'Cause it's all part of the mystery  
  
  
  
I always have  
  
Even when it didn't show  
  
I always will  
  
You know that I just wanna touch you  
  
Whenever you're close to me  
  
I always have  
  
Doesn't matter where we go  
  
I always will  
  
You know that I just wanna show you  
  
Just how much you mean to me  
  
Always have, always will 


End file.
